Amok Mama: Why I hate Berlin
exberliner.comSo I grinned back at him. He grinned back at me. We grinned at each other. I was thinking to myself: brilliant. Fantastic. Wonderful. Excellent. Somebody is coming on to me. Well, they will in a minute, probably. They are smiling. Oh, this is great. This is gonna be a fantastic day. I felt like Samantha Brick or someone. It was really nice. Then he started picking his nose.
Estimated reading time: 2 min
Konrad Werner: Boris Becker's political antennae
exberliner.comBoris Becker tweeted: "Great admirer of Angela Merkel! I am very proud and becoming a patriot as she won the Nobel Peace Prize!!!" Some sad hair-splitter then pointed out that, you know, Merkel hadn't actually won the prize, it was the European Union. "Pff," thought the unapologetic tennis legend, "same diff. I don't know much about politics, but even I know THAT" – a thought which he condensed into the pithy: "So practically her."
Estimated reading time: 2 min
Ti Leo recommended this story.
GEMA over?
exberliner.comThis is the second anti-GEMA demonstration since the music rights organisation announced its new fee system in April. What exactly is everyone protesting against? “I heard Berghain will close,” says Konstantine, 19. “I’m here because of what they’re doing with Youtube,” says Maria, 20. “I just do the printing…” mumbles a dreadlocked art student selling “We Hate GEMA” t-shirts.
Estimated reading time: 7 min
Ines Montani recommended this story.
It's a WikiLife: Anke and Daniel Domscheit-Berg
exberliner.comWe are facing a very fundamental paradigm shift. They don’t understand, they don’t even see it coming on the horizon. Full employment? It is so outdated that nobody would actually want it! Why don’t we talk about how we can maximise this technological advancement in order to reduce the amount of work people have to do so that they can take care of their kids again? Or do something else useful that they’re good at?
Estimated reading time: 8 min
Ines Montani recommended this story.
Konrad Werner: Shame on the ARD
exberliner.comHere's the thing about neo-Nazi murderers: they don't really give much of a shit how integrated their victims are. The fact that the ARD thought it would be okay to link a memorial service to these victims with Buschkowsky's worldview just shows that Germany needs to listen to a few more Sting songs yet.
Estimated reading time: 2 min
mauricefrank recommended this story.
Save Berlin: The art of unfriendliness
exberliner.comFilm star Daniel Brühl laments he can’t park a Ferrari on the street, but he’d never give up his Kreuzberg flat.
Estimated reading time: 3 min
dingeundsachen recommended this story.
Zoophile: Animal love in Berlin
exberliner.comBlackWolf first noticed his zoophilic tendencies at the age of six. He was growing up in the country and became irreversibly attached to his grandmother’s golden retriever, Sina. He remembers his sexual awakening happening with this dog. ‘Like every child of that age, I was curious, and looked at what she had. She like it, and made signs that I only understood later.’ He first had sex with Sina at age 12.
Estimated reading time: 8 min
Ines Montani recommended this story.
[Headline is being processed right now]
exberliner.comBut really, let's face it; we don't actually give a shit, for all Bild's bluster that "Berliners' trust is exhausted." Mine isn't. I'm actually quite glad that for one more summer, I'll be snuggling up to that rancid old Schönefeld Easyjet counter like a duvet that hasn't been washed for a month because it smells so comfortingly of my own body.
Ines Montani recommended this story.
The Gay Berliner: Actively passive
exberliner.comThere are many theories about how to tell if someone might be active or passive. They range from the dubious (active men are never camp) to the downright mythical (all active men know what they are doing in bed). Which makes it tricky when you find the love of your life, or at the very least of the evening, and, instead of faking your orgasm, find yourself faking your preference. Quite literally, a pain in the butt.
Estimated reading time: 3 min
Ines Montani recommended this story.
Amok Mama: Hipster hate
exberliner.com"Oh," sighed Sarah. "It's all so confusing. It was better before the hipsters came. I hate them all. They've ruined Berlin. This used to be such a great city. Can you remember? When we first came? It was brilliant. It was Berlin. So, Jacinta, I'm getting hungry. Where do you want to go for vegan brunch? Neukölln? Or Friedrichshain? What do you say?"
Estimated reading time: 3 min
Ines Montani recommended this story.
Konrad Werner: Phoning Muslims
exberliner.com"Over the past month, were you fully-integrated (watch Tagesschau on ARD, then Rosamund Pilcher shows on ZDF, send kids to Gymnasium), a bit integrated (watch RTL, send kids to Hauptschule), fairly integrated (watch RTL 2, send kids to Realschule), slightly Muslim (no TV, keep kids at home to instil evil in their minds), or a terrorist?"
Estimated reading time: 2 min
Ines Montani recommended this story.
Konrad Werner: Stop pretending you like the Pirates
exberliner.comI can't have been the only six-year-old who put Nutella on hot spaghetti. It just seemed so right at the time. The two best foods ever created on one plate, combined to transport a small boy to culinary heaven. And then look what happened? Tears. Rebukes. Chocolate all over the tablecloth.
Estimated reading time: 2 min
Ines Montani recommended this story.
Konrad Werner: Swabe-rage
exberliner.comThis week the Bundestag vice president and SPD's anti-Nazi firebrand gave an interview in which he complained that there were too many "Swabians" in Prenzlauer Berg. He said that he hates having to order a Wecke instead of a Schrippe, and gets royally miffed whenever he's offered a Pflaumendatschi instead of a Pflaumenkuchen. I don't know what any of that means either, but it's something to do with bakeries, the conventional German site for regional bigotry.
Estimated reading time: 2 min
Ines Montani recommended this story.
The importance of bee-ing
exberliner.comThese ‘zom-bees’ seem to be doing what all sick bees do: they leave their hive in order to protect the colony. Beekeepers often find hives that are completely empty, without any kind of explanation. “It’s a macabre situation,” says Hans. “If you tell a farmer you lost 40,000 bees you get laughed at. But if they lose just 100 cattle, it’s a huge deal and everyone takes note.”
Estimated reading time: 8 min
Ines Montani recommended this story.
Seymour Gris: The Easyjet set vs. the Lebenskünstler
exberliner.comI don't think Berlin was "ruining" Robert and his band – though the opposite could be argued. I think the problem was a fundamental clash of culture. Robert was an ambitious, young musician who lacked the inner Lebenseinstellung – I cannot think of an appropriate word in English – to be able to enjoy Bohemian Berlin properly without going crazy.
Ines Montani recommended this story.
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